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Mother eff, why wonapos;t you compiiillle.....??

Iapos;ve been thinking about putting that parental control thing that Vista came with to good use. Hmmm... But since I use my computer on the default admin account, can I even block myself from "Oh, I... Well, yes, Iapos;m not really supposed to be acknowledging his existence, and yeah I took him off my friends list so he canapos;t see friends only entires and yes, banned him from commenting (though he pretty much stopped commenting on my journal after he dumped me) on my journal, but, but I just somehow found myself at his journal because he commented on a mutual friendapos;s entry DXX" instances. You see, you see~?

So Iapos;ll see when I get home if I can parent myself and block his journal entirely. No temptation, no temptation, Rikka. Itapos;s like quitting smoking or a drug

Gosh, itapos;s great that Iapos;m like ^^ instead of like ._. About it. Donapos;t worry, Rikka will get what she wants in the end and emerge victorious. Or something?
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Pourtant japos;ai peut-�tre inexactement dit: Rocher de la pure mati�re. Dans cette pure mati�re il est possible quapos;un peu dapos;esprit surnage�t encore. Ce fou savait bien malgr� tout quapos;il �tait fou, quapos;il �tait la proie dapos;une folie dans ces moments-l� puisquapos;il savait bien que celui qui le battait napos;�tait pas plus m�chant que le petit gar�on qui dans les jeux de bataille est d�sign� au sort pour faire le "Prussien", et sur lequel tout le monde se rue dans une ardeur de patriotisme vrai et de haine feinte. La proie dapos;une folie o� entrait tout de m�me un peu de la personnalit� de M. De Charlus.

--Le temps retrouv�

Nevertheless, perhaps I used an inaccurate expression in saying rock of pure matter. It is possible that a little mind still survived in that pure matter. This madman knew, in spite of everything, that he was mad, that he was the prey at such moments of insanity, since he knew perfectly well that the man who was beating him was no wickeder than the little boys in battle-games who draw lots to decide which of them is to play the Prussian and upon whom all the others fall in true patriotic ardour and pretended hatred. A prey to insanity into which, nevertheless, some of M. De Charlusrsquo; personality entered...

--Time Regained, trans. Moncrieff

Yet perhaps my phrase "rock of pure matter" is not exactly right. �It is possible that in this pure matter there still subsisted a small quantity of mind. �This madman was quite aware, despite everything, that he was a prey to a kind of madness and, for those few moments, was just playing a part, since he knew perfectly well that the man beating him was no more of a villain than the small boy who draws the short straw in a game of soldiers and has to play the "Prussian," and whom everyone chases in a fervour of genuine patriotism and mock hatred. �Prey to a kind of madness, however, into which a little of M. Charlusapos;s �personality also entered.

--Finding Time Again, trans. Patterson

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Yep, that has been my life here as of late� I havenapos;t even had time to post in my journal Iapos;ve been so busy.�

Well, to update a little bit for those that are interested in my lilapos; life.� I know that Iapos;ve been talking about this search and rescue thing that Roni was getting into.� Well, itapos;s actually a lot of fun.� We went back�to Lumberton this past weekend to finish up our class and do�some rough camping.� LOL� The camping was fun and we did�a "mock search and rescue" Saturday night.� That was really neat.� Only bad thing was it was cold and rainy when we did it.� Stayed out on the search until 12:30 that night and got back to the camp site tired as hell� Some highlights from the search was they made me the navigator, which was scary as hell, but I did quite well.� I had to make sure that I knew where we were on the map at all times so Roni could radio it back to the command center.���I learned how to track people through grass and dirt.� And also learned that when getting into a bivy sack, zip it up fast as to NOT trap a mosquito in with you or you become dinner� Yeah, that was a lot of fun.� She made a feast off of my forehead which swelled up and looked funny for a couple of days� LOL� We finished up class and took a test on what we learned.� I passed with flying colors as did Roni.� The next step for us from there is to go to Washington, NC to finish out the last part of the test to become certified trackers.� This will be done in February people� Um can we saying colder than a witchapos;s tit in a brass bra???� That should prove to be interesting to say the least.�

Other things that Iapos;ve been doing.� Well, it is officially halloween and Iapos;ve been decorating like mad at the house and have gotten my mom involved with it this year.� We are going to have them all over so they can take the kids out in our neighborhood for some candy.� Iapos;ve always wanted to make a halloween trail through the backyard and such for the kids to go through and I was talking to Roni and mom about it.� We are planning to have that come next halloween� WOOT� I canapos;t wait.� Itapos;s going to be soooo much fun� Hehehe�

We also just purchased a fence for the back yard, so Walker can have the whole yard to himself.� We hate leaving him on the line, but we finally got enough money together to put one up ourselves before winter� WOOT� Not that Iapos;m looking forward to the physical labor of it, but the finished product is what I canapos;t wait to see.�

Um, letapos;s see.� Iapos;ve been doing some side work to help get the fence and other things that we want to do to the house and yard.� Like get the pond� Yeah, and build and entertainment center.� Convert the garage into a gym for us among other things.

My pool team from last session is going to cities again.� So, we have another shot to go to Vegas� I really donapos;t see that happening, but it would be cool if we did.� Haha

So thatapos;s it in a nutshell as to whatapos;s been going on my way.� Hope everyone has had a good work week.� Iapos;ll try to be better about this lj thing too.� :)

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Hum. I have this friend, who last night was basically taking swings at my sanity.
My tormentor currently contests I am "an easy target," do you agree?

I laughed. He said he was a "loner." I laughed again.
Honestly, it hurts cause he is... For lack of a better term, me in male form. However, Iapos;m not mad at him. Not at all. He was all but trying to sink his teeth into my neck. But I feel nothing past a twinge of anger and then ambivalence. He does not know me, could never understand me [misogynous gay men who cannot understand empathetic thought? Gaha why are you friends with me?]

I just think it is interesting. Our little games of war. Eventually, he will probably kill himself, which yes, will make me sad, but

I will probably not even know him then, speak to him, talk to him, or care past a momentapos;s thought.
And I think this is just what he wants in life with anyone who is not a male and fuckable.

Some cunt he can inflict some of that anguish on that he clings so dearly to.

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The past couple days have been cool.� Yesterday i hung out with my mom all day and we just shopped around.� i like my mom a whole lot more now than i did when i was younger.� i think all the anger she had then has pretty much evaporated.�

today is going good so far.� i had a shitty 3 hour shift.� iapos;m getting those way more lately and it sucks so bad.� And atm iapos;m carless.� My car has been acting really funny lately so i had to take it to my dadapos;s shop. �hopefully itapos;ll be fixed soon.� He says heapos;ll give me something to drive until itapos;s fixed though....but itapos;ll probably be a truck.� Maybe itapos;ll finally stop making that horrifying noise everytime i turn.� Iapos;m embarassed to drive my car around. �

why are people such assholes to each other?� I mean...I usually try to be nice to people when i meet them unless i really really dislike them.� But i just donapos;t get being mean to someone over stupid little things.� Like people who work with the public.� I try to treat employees nicely but it seems like most of the customers who come into bb just treat me like iapos;m their slave and i have to do everything they say.� And theyapos;ll cuss me out for something that is not within my power.� i just donapos;t get that.� i mean....why be so mean to someone else?� Does being mean to me really make you happy?� Seriously....itapos;s getting on my nerves.� Iapos;m way more detached from it now than i was when i first started working there but goddamn some people just need to get a taste of their own medicine. �

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